Comings & Goings

How do you like to be greeted when you walk through the front door at the end of your day? How about when you wake up in the morning? How does it feel when you come home and your loved ones keep doing whatever it is they were doing, without a glance or a word in your direction? Do you do the same when you’re caught up in making dinner/sending that important email/reading that last page/etc?

One simple way we can really improve our relationships is to pause and pay attention to each other when we’re coming and going. Don’t let those moments get lost. Take advantage of them to look your partner or child or friend in the eye, and to greet them with a smile, with love in your face. Give a warm greeting. You can always go back to what you were doing one minute later, or maybe you’ll find that you’d rather talk to your partner about his or her day.

Transitions, those times when we’re moving from one mode to another, are often the times when our stored up irritations or concerns will rise to the surface. We find ourselves instantly reactive and pissed off because our partner didn’t stand at attention upon our arrival. And then our inner relationship investigator starts up: “See? I’m not that important to him/her. Just like I thought.” “I might as well just stay at work.” “Forget giving her a big kiss and hug, I’m going upstairs without saying a word.”

In bringing our awareness to these potentially vulnerable transitions in our day, we can avoid a negativity spiral and instead create more loving and caring routines with our loved ones. I used to wake my husband up with a shake and a cranky “It’s your turn!” kind of energy. Of course I know he’s not a great morning person, and I know he likes to stay up at night doing his man cave things. But I wanted him to have to be awake since I had to be. It took him mentioning it a number of times before I caught on that when I woke him up with a gentle touch, a quick snuggle or a soft whisper in his ear, we would immediately experience appreciation for one another and our day would go smoother.

Why not use these daily moments to build up your good will bank accounts with one another? It takes less than a minute to connect and to let your partner know they mean more to you than getting things done. And in the long run, you’ll have a stronger and more loving relationship that can withstand life’s ups and downs, whether you’re coming or going.

Sofia enjoys helping couples to find those delicious moments of connection and to deepen their relationships. Call her at 503-544-3559 or email to set up your first appointment today.

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